How to deal with being overlooked?

For many years, I have been advising entrepreneurs on legal and business matters, especially regarding business transfers. During this time, and especially during my work as a lawyer at the Chamber of Commerce, I have seen, accompanied, and analyzed many transfer processes. And I kept noticing the same thing: most transfers fail not because of legal stumbling blocks or economic miscalculations. They fail because of something much more complex: the human element.

While contracts, figures, and tax issues can be clearly regulated, emotional issues often remain unspoken. Who gets to decide what? Who feels seen? What role does recognition, trust, or simply the feeling of belonging play? These questions are often overlooked for fear of conflict. But it is precisely this silence that creates them.

I have experienced this dynamic not only professionally but also personally, when succession was an issue in our family business.

My father and my brother had planned everything carefully. They wanted a solution that would secure the business and not cause any disputes within the company. I was only informed after the decision had already been made and everything had been formally settled. For my father, this was a pragmatic, peace-securing solution – understandable from his point of view.
However, what he did not see was that the conflict was shifted from the company into the family.

For me, this was a challenging time. I did not feel seen, neither as a person nor as a professional. As a lawyer and business economist, I have the skills that are needed in a transfer process as well as in a business management role. Nevertheless, I was given the impression that I did not have the “right” skills. My being a woman also played an unspoken but noticeable role.

Over time, I have come to understand that in such moments, it is not about ultimate justice, but about appreciation. It is about ensuring that everyone who is part of a system, whether family or company, can feel seen and heard.In transfer processes, emotions are often perceived as disruptive. But it is precisely they that show what is really at stake: belonging, trust, love, recognition.
At that time, the injured inner child in me also spoke up, the child who just wanted to belong, who was sad and perhaps also a little envious.

Envy that one can hardly admit to oneself because it is considered “immature.” But this envy is often nothing more than a pain of being overlooked. And parents who want to do it “right” often do not understand such emotions. They interpret them as weakness, as proof of inability or lack of maturity, and thus confirm exactly the feeling of “not being seen” that is already there.

It becomes particularly difficult when siblings are treated differently – and one takes on the role of the “chosen one.” When this brother or sister begins to see themselves as the sole driving force, and the parents tacitly accept this with the sentence: “He/She is just like that.” Such attitudes hurt because they further shake what is already sensitive, namely dignity, belonging, and appreciation. But they also show how much the parents are caught in their own conflict: between pride, loyalty, and the fear of doing something wrong.

Self-reflection, systemic constellations, family and organizational constellations have helped me to get back into a good relationship with all those involved – to be able to meet again. My family and the connection are very important to me. And yet, there are always moments when old patterns and dynamics trigger.

This experience has shown me that growth, healing, and appreciation are an ongoing process. A process that requires patience, courage, and awareness, and in which communication and transparency should be at the center, accompanied and moderated from the outside.

A business transfer is far more than a legal act. It is an emotional transition, a letting go and accepting that affects everyone involved. An external, neutral perspective can help to bring unspoken issues to light and give space to all those involved, not just those who are formally at the helm.

Today, I am committed to ensuring that succession processes are not only formally correct but also humanly successful. Because a successful transfer means not only that the company continues to run – but also that the family carries it together.